It's scary to think that this will probably be my last post in the town that went from being just a town/village in Germany to being my home. I have two weeks left in Germany, and as I think of going back to my home in the States, a deluge of emotions flood every fiber in my body: excitement, nostalgia, sadness, happiness, apprehensiveness, relief, pride, vulnerability, fear, anger. Think of an emotion and I can guarantee you I'm experiencing it at this moment.
How do you leave behind a life that you built from scratch? How do you leave behind all the people who made you laugh, made you cry, made you do stupid things, saved you from doing the stupidest things, encouraged you to try new things, took you to new places, introduced you to your new favorite foods, stayed up all night to make sure you sobered up, went to the woods with you at 3 am while it was pitch black even though they were pissing their pants, introduced you to new music, introduced you to a new way of life? How do you leave behind classmates, teammates, pets, friends, and family? How do you leave your life behind? You don't!
I think exchange students can agree with me when I say that the hardest part of an exchange year is not coming to a strange land, being alone, having no friends at the beginning, being away from home, or being away from your pet or your friends or your family. The hardest part of an exchange year is the end. When you start packing and realize that you have to say goodbye to people. The same people who made your year unforgettable. A friend of mine, who is also on this scholarship with me, asked why did we decide to do a whole year? Why didn't we do an exchange for just two weeks where we wouldn't really make real friends or get attached. I don't think she could have been more right. The people I met this year are the ones who make my return home so difficult.
I now have 3 new sisters and 4 new brothers. I also have 3 new moms, and two new fathers. I have another best friend who stuck with me when I was struggling, when I was homesick, and when I needed a place to stay because the bus that goes all the way to my house didn't come for another hour, always told me to go to his house and wait even when he had to study or do homework. I have another extremely close friend who is always willing to have a good time/cheer me up and when I need him, he's there. I can't wait to visit him in Brasil next year!
I learned so much about people and how important and meaningful they can be. This year has shown me how valuable time can be. It has also shown me that people can be so different; some can be caring, and some can be extremely indifferent and even careless. However, without these people, even the indifferent and careless people, my year would have not been the same.
As I prepare to go home, I get excited because I know that leaving here is going to be so hard but at the same time, I'm relieved because that only means that my time here was completely worth it. Not only did my German improve greatly, but I also found a new home. I cannot wait to come back next year to visit, and I cannot wait to see some familiar faces come visit me in the United States. I can truly and honestly say that I love and care so much about these people even if some don't love/care as much about me back (which I hope they do!).
Die Leute, von wem ich spreche: Ich wünsche mir, dass ich mehr Zeit mit euch hätte. Ich wünsche mir, dass uns die Zeit davon nicht gelaufen ist. Ich wünsche mir, dass wir mehr zusammen machen können hätten. Es tut mir richtig Leid, wenn wir die Möglichkeit hatten, etwas zusammen zu machen, und wir es nicht gemacht haben. Ich bin immer hier für euch. Ich werde euch nie vergessen und ich hoffe ihr werdet mich nie vergessen.
Ich liebe euch alle!
